A Recap and Fresh Start

photo credit: @wanderandrose

FYI: This blog post may be a bit all over the place. Bare with me.

I hope 2019 has started off better for you than it has for me. I had so many expectations for the start of my year and it just flat out didn’t happen that way. At this point most of you are familiar with 2018 being such a great year for me. All over my social media I expressed that I was “winning” all year long which was true but somehow I thought it would transcend into 2019 as well.

This time last year I was nearing my “rock bottom” I had written an open letter to myself; I explained all the pain points that I was uncomfortable with and hoped that on December 31st 2018 I would be a different person. Now that we are in 2019 it’s safe to safe I’m a very different person. In 2018 - I lost some of the closest people to me and it didn’t feel good, I let my finances slip and I internalized a lot of anger then lashed out (sorry!). I started to really beat myself up about the lack of content I was posting here on the blog and actually thought about giving up (not very Niajah at all).

I pressed through all the lows I didn’t share and remained grateful for all my blessings including my amazing job and new townhouse. It seems like everyone has a “word” for 2019 and I was a little stumped on picking the right one. I was driving one day and it hit me, “disruption”, I plan to disrupt all the processes and systems I have in place that are simply not working.

What I do know about disruption already is that it’s not comfortable. One of my major goals for this year is to pay off all my consumer debt ($9,500) and start my new business. This means I have to disrupt my current spending habits. Another goal is to lose 70 pounds naturally, I’ve already lost 26 pounds since August however I need to disrupt my current eating patterns and create a realistic workout plan. All of this will cause me to step out my comfort zone and it’s scary.

The way I feel currently will not be the tone set for 2019, it’s too special to me. I’m finally graduating from Pace University, turning 25 years old and launching a new business that will propel me into the woman I’m destined to become.

Last year I made a promise to myself that I’ll never get as emotionally and mentally low than I did, this year I’m not making any promises I just have one question to me “What if you gave your all"?”. On December 31st 2019 I can only hope and pray that my response is “I gave more than my all and it shows”.